Have you ever held back from telling your partner that you’re upset about something because you didn’t want to spoil the good mood or cause conflict?
In those moments, do you find that the words get stuck in your throat because you just can’t bring yourself to say them?
Up to 75% of my clients used to worry that addressing issues with their partner wouldn’t be worth the effort, or worse—they feared that it would make things worse, leaving them not just upset, but also feeling alone.
The issue with “letting things blow over” or “sweeping them under the rug” is that while it might seem to keep the peace in the short term, this approach can be harmful in the long run, making effective conflict resolution in relationships essential.
Additionally, falling back into passive resentment or silent resignation can damage your relationship with yourself and gradually erode your ability to trust yourself in love.
Here are some common reasons my clients have shared for why they often avoid bringing up their concerns directly with their spouses:
Fear of being criticized, attacked, or dismissed
Guilt about “being too much” or feeling “selfish”
Feelings of unworthiness or self-doubt
Worry that the conversation will escalate into a huge argument
Feelings of awkwardness
But underneath these reasons, there is often an unconscious yet powerful fear that goes something like this:
“If I speak my truth, my partner might abandon me, and I’ll be left alone with my suffering.”
I’d like to share some affirmations to help you strengthen your connection with yourself and your partner, even when you’re feeling upset:
I honor my truths, and my feelings matter to me. I trust that my partner also cares deeply about my feelings.
I am safe and cared for, even if my partner doesn’t see things my way. I have faith that our relationship can handle big feelings and that we remain connected.
I am committed to standing up for myself without putting my partner down.
The more I practice, the better I get at understanding what’s beneath my resentment and what I need to feel heard, loved, and seen.
It feels empowering to give myself the gift of acknowledging my feelings, wishes, and desires in ways that also deepen and enrich my bond with my partner.
Remember, these affirmations are just starting points—feel free to adapt them to your own words so that they feel genuine to you.
You can say them silently, or, for an extra boost to your confidence and mood, try saying them out loud in front of a mirror.
I’d love to hear from you: What keeps you from speaking up when you’re upset, and what are your favorite affirmations? Share your thoughts in the comments below!